A letter to a loved one who I thought I was going to lose some time back.
I post it to remind myself that sometimes we need to learn to let go to preserve. And that even I have come to learn to love another.
---------------------------
[---],
My dearest angel. I want to tell you that I miss you.
I know what it's like to move to a new place and be overwhelmed by a lack of supervision, a new environment and a whole host of new people. Everything's brand new and everything has to be tried at least once! I also know that I've encouraged you to go out and be brave and I'm really glad that you've found close friends there. On the flip side, it means less time for us left back home and that's something I thought I'd be able to deal with.
Turns out that maybe it's harder than expected for me too.
When you first arrived in [---], we filled each others' loneliness with sweet nothings and virtual contact. But an [---]-shaped hole in my days opened up when you started exploring and filling the [invisibleogore]-shaped hole in yours with all the new obligations, places, experiences and people thrust on you over there. I've never been before and never ever want to be a naggy, clingy bf. I want to be the devoted boy back home waiting with supportive words and always ready with a biiiiiig hug (or e-hug) and kisses to brighten your day. Someone who you're proud to show to your friends and say 'He's MIIIIINE!'
I've felt neglected and been asking for more attention than you've had to spare recently... and thus been doing a rather rubbish job of being supportive. I do not want to smother you and drive you any further away... so in hope of another chance to steal your heart away, I offer to you the only things in my power to give now. My understanding, an apology and a step back, without recriminations, to give you all the room you need to spread your wings.
Understand this, I've grown to love you lock, stock and smoking barrel and do not want to lose you. If I remain special to you, it would be good for us to sit down and have a real talk to adjust expectations and about everything else, no matter what the outcome.
Whatever happens, spread your wings and grow, beautiful soul. Fly. I pray that you still do miss me enough to let me keep you company on your journey and to take shelter with me from the storms life brings. Otherwise, I pray that I've learned to love you enough to let you go and become the person you're meant to be, finding satisfaction in your happiness even when your road lies far away from mine.
I haven't stopped missing you and will be waiting for you with arms wide open... but only if you want me.
All my love,
[invisibleogre]
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
:)
You should never lie, cheat, steal or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must steal, steal away from bad company and if you must drink... drink in the moments that take your breath away.
But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must steal, steal away from bad company and if you must drink... drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
satisfied minds
when a man moves from a dark place to one filled with light, it is freedom.
freedom from the weight of expectations and the chains of convention. in the light everything looks vivid and beautiful. yet always on the horizon you see the clouds. the good times don't last. and you ask yourself 'why?'. then you brace yourself, hitch your collar up and trudge on towards the next brighter horizon.
but then comes a time when there isn't a brighter horizon ahead of you. it is no longer worth fighting the darkness. and you never want to go back. ever.
live fast die young. burn fast but bright. shining as the sun. and go not with a whimper but with a bang.
god help me, i understand.
rest in peace, old friend.
freedom from the weight of expectations and the chains of convention. in the light everything looks vivid and beautiful. yet always on the horizon you see the clouds. the good times don't last. and you ask yourself 'why?'. then you brace yourself, hitch your collar up and trudge on towards the next brighter horizon.
but then comes a time when there isn't a brighter horizon ahead of you. it is no longer worth fighting the darkness. and you never want to go back. ever.
live fast die young. burn fast but bright. shining as the sun. and go not with a whimper but with a bang.
god help me, i understand.
rest in peace, old friend.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
yourself... plain and simple
What is up with people who say 'your own self'?
Making sentences longer does not increase their relevance or weight. It does not serve to help convince others that you know what you're talking about either. All that happens is you waste words, maul the sentence and sound like a fool.
I reserve special scorn for gun-nuts who look squarely at a camera and say 'if there was someone trespassing on your property, wouldn't YOU need a gun to protect your... own... self!'
No. I wouldn't. I'm not going to stand at my doorway yelling 'Git off ma prah-perty or ima shoot yo punk ass'. I would lock my doors, call the police and get a nice strong pole. Because I know how to use it and chances are that it's not going to take a life when used in self-defence. Guns kill people... that's all.
Asking if I want to protect 'my own self' only earns you a mocking laugh. Especially when my views are diametrically opposed to yours.
Making sentences longer does not increase their relevance or weight. It does not serve to help convince others that you know what you're talking about either. All that happens is you waste words, maul the sentence and sound like a fool.
I reserve special scorn for gun-nuts who look squarely at a camera and say 'if there was someone trespassing on your property, wouldn't YOU need a gun to protect your... own... self!'
No. I wouldn't. I'm not going to stand at my doorway yelling 'Git off ma prah-perty or ima shoot yo punk ass'. I would lock my doors, call the police and get a nice strong pole. Because I know how to use it and chances are that it's not going to take a life when used in self-defence. Guns kill people... that's all.
Asking if I want to protect 'my own self' only earns you a mocking laugh. Especially when my views are diametrically opposed to yours.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
life
sometimes we forget what should be most important.
let me never forget, amidst the pressures of this world, that we take nothing with us. yet leave so much behind.
let me never forget, amidst the pressures of this world, that we take nothing with us. yet leave so much behind.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Mediacorp... bringing you mauled English!
They are bringing you some football team's attempt to secure a 'historical' third league victory... live!
Dot. Dot. Dot.
What happened to good old copywriting? Or is that not necessary in television nowadays? Recap: Historical means a past event. Historic means an event of import. Get it right! Cute little kittens are dropping like flies here people!
And did people know that there's apparently a new actor in town? 'Gurmit and Fiona goes' somewhere to bring us some fantastic food report. Grammar 101: 'Goes' refers to a single person. When you want to refer to a group of individuals, you say 'go'.
My goodness, maybe I should give up this whole legal shtick and be a script writer in Singapore. I'd either make a fortune from fixing all these silly errors or starving because English, apparently, need not be spoken well on Singapore television.
I cannot wait til I get my set-top box. It will be welcome to not have to deal with CNA and Channel 5 to get my fix of video news! I will be retreating to the safe, happy zone of BBC News. And sometimes even American programming... where the English is at least accurate, if spoken strangely.
Dot. Dot. Dot.
What happened to good old copywriting? Or is that not necessary in television nowadays? Recap: Historical means a past event. Historic means an event of import. Get it right! Cute little kittens are dropping like flies here people!
And did people know that there's apparently a new actor in town? 'Gurmit and Fiona goes' somewhere to bring us some fantastic food report. Grammar 101: 'Goes' refers to a single person. When you want to refer to a group of individuals, you say 'go'.
My goodness, maybe I should give up this whole legal shtick and be a script writer in Singapore. I'd either make a fortune from fixing all these silly errors or starving because English, apparently, need not be spoken well on Singapore television.
I cannot wait til I get my set-top box. It will be welcome to not have to deal with CNA and Channel 5 to get my fix of video news! I will be retreating to the safe, happy zone of BBC News. And sometimes even American programming... where the English is at least accurate, if spoken strangely.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
memories
I just read the first entry in this blog from my time as a passionate law student writing a paper on assisted dying in the UK.
So fiery, so passionate, so angry... and still so true.
Singapore is now going through the throes of contemplating assisted dying. And the same old arguments are popping up.
Slippery slope, family members' love and care, value of life. Been there, heard that, rolled my eyes at the nay-sayers.
Dignitas, my dear friends, is called Dignitas for a reason. They let people die with dignity. Perhaps it might abhor you, you who fear death, but sometimes death is the lesser fear... the greater fear is of having a bright, sharp wit, trapped in a body unable to do anything more than drool, piss and shit all over itself. that's what happens when you lose control of your involuntary muscles you know.
Or to have a healthy body... but a mind so ravaged by Alzheimer's that you beat your wife... someone who's loved and cared for you through the best and the worst of times. Is that dignity? Is that a beautiful time of bonding?
It is not the thought that they are dying which brings tears to my eyes, it is the thought that they know not only the pain and suffering which they are going to go through but also that they bring the same upon those closest to them... for who else would care for them in the end times? And at what cost is it provided? A wife who is glad when her husband of 30-odd years finally dies? Is that the cost our society would demand?
Unless the government can provide Christpher Reeve or Michael J. Fox style treatment and care death might be their only dignified path left. Better to pass at a time of your choosing, in possession of your wit, surrounded by people you love who will never grow to hate you.
The years may pass but convictions will not waver.
So fiery, so passionate, so angry... and still so true.
Singapore is now going through the throes of contemplating assisted dying. And the same old arguments are popping up.
Slippery slope, family members' love and care, value of life. Been there, heard that, rolled my eyes at the nay-sayers.
Dignitas, my dear friends, is called Dignitas for a reason. They let people die with dignity. Perhaps it might abhor you, you who fear death, but sometimes death is the lesser fear... the greater fear is of having a bright, sharp wit, trapped in a body unable to do anything more than drool, piss and shit all over itself. that's what happens when you lose control of your involuntary muscles you know.
Or to have a healthy body... but a mind so ravaged by Alzheimer's that you beat your wife... someone who's loved and cared for you through the best and the worst of times. Is that dignity? Is that a beautiful time of bonding?
It is not the thought that they are dying which brings tears to my eyes, it is the thought that they know not only the pain and suffering which they are going to go through but also that they bring the same upon those closest to them... for who else would care for them in the end times? And at what cost is it provided? A wife who is glad when her husband of 30-odd years finally dies? Is that the cost our society would demand?
Unless the government can provide Christpher Reeve or Michael J. Fox style treatment and care death might be their only dignified path left. Better to pass at a time of your choosing, in possession of your wit, surrounded by people you love who will never grow to hate you.
The years may pass but convictions will not waver.
/flame on
The recent presidential election in America was truly a historic event.
Yes... 'a historic event', not 'an historic event'. Unless, of course, we've started swallowing our 'h's the same way the Americans have. How many people in Singapore say 'erbs' when they mean 'herbs'. Take note, CNA, if you want your television reporters to say 'HIStoric' instead of 'IStoric', it is an 'A' that belongs in front of it. See what I did? I used the correct word!
Moving on, it seems that the copywriters at Mediacorp have latched on to the 'historic' tag and gone wild. Apparently, an upcoming football match in the S-League or some-such is going to be a 'historical' event. Oh, really? Has it already happened? If it was going to have that much of an impact, it would be a 'historic' event... the two are NOT interchangeable for the love of cute baby kittens! Historic means it is an event of note, some sort of history-making thing. Historical means that it has already happened and is an event of record. Historical events need not be important, in fact the vast majority of historical events probably aren't. Going on that though... the upcoming football match in 'one of Asia's top 10 leagues' is likely to be just such a historical event (see what I did again? I"m clever, me!) unnoticed and pretty much not cared about.
Moving on again, what on earth is with the use of 'ironical'? Making a word longer doesn't make it sound more intelligent or emphasise your point any better... Why? Just... why? Just because something may be logical, it doesn't mean that 'ironic' needs to be dressed up with '-al'. Something may be ironic and retribution may be ironically come by... but what use, ironcial? It's just 'ironic' with window dressing... unnecessary, ugly window dressing.
Next, 'so-called'. I used to be platonically acquainted with this phrase. Never in love, mind you! Our relationship was purely platonic and I did use it from time to time. For example: 'Your so-called friend just ratted on you, hah!' I can even tolearate 'this so-called financial crisis'. But oh, how I've grown to hate it. People use 'so-called' much too often. Particular annoyance: 'This so-called plaintiff'. Excuse me? It says right here on this piece of paper we call a case report that this was the person who started the action. Since people who start actions in court are called plaintiffs, ipso facto, this person is a plaintiff. No 'ifs', not 'buts' and certainly no 'so-calleds' about it. If it's true, it's true.
Oh and one last thing! 'Voir dire'. Learn to pronounce it please. please. pretty please. baby kittens die every time someone gets it wrong. It is not, in my approximation of IPA (call it pig IPA), Voo-ire die-er or Voy-er die-er. It sounds something like vwa di-r(with a little bit of a roll of the tongue on the 'r'). C'est comme 'voir dire' en francais. But the term is derived from an old French phrase which means 'truth say'. Tidbit done!
In summary: Hire people who can speak English to write it; English is a beautiful language if you craft it right... and longer words do not make better English; be accurate; and pronunciation (in pig IPA, pro-NUN-si-ay-shun) is everything.
Thank you.
/flame off
Yes... 'a historic event', not 'an historic event'. Unless, of course, we've started swallowing our 'h's the same way the Americans have. How many people in Singapore say 'erbs' when they mean 'herbs'. Take note, CNA, if you want your television reporters to say 'HIStoric' instead of 'IStoric', it is an 'A' that belongs in front of it. See what I did? I used the correct word!
Moving on, it seems that the copywriters at Mediacorp have latched on to the 'historic' tag and gone wild. Apparently, an upcoming football match in the S-League or some-such is going to be a 'historical' event. Oh, really? Has it already happened? If it was going to have that much of an impact, it would be a 'historic' event... the two are NOT interchangeable for the love of cute baby kittens! Historic means it is an event of note, some sort of history-making thing. Historical means that it has already happened and is an event of record. Historical events need not be important, in fact the vast majority of historical events probably aren't. Going on that though... the upcoming football match in 'one of Asia's top 10 leagues' is likely to be just such a historical event (see what I did again? I"m clever, me!) unnoticed and pretty much not cared about.
Moving on again, what on earth is with the use of 'ironical'? Making a word longer doesn't make it sound more intelligent or emphasise your point any better... Why? Just... why? Just because something may be logical, it doesn't mean that 'ironic' needs to be dressed up with '-al'. Something may be ironic and retribution may be ironically come by... but what use, ironcial? It's just 'ironic' with window dressing... unnecessary, ugly window dressing.
Next, 'so-called'. I used to be platonically acquainted with this phrase. Never in love, mind you! Our relationship was purely platonic and I did use it from time to time. For example: 'Your so-called friend just ratted on you, hah!' I can even tolearate 'this so-called financial crisis'. But oh, how I've grown to hate it. People use 'so-called' much too often. Particular annoyance: 'This so-called plaintiff'. Excuse me? It says right here on this piece of paper we call a case report that this was the person who started the action. Since people who start actions in court are called plaintiffs, ipso facto, this person is a plaintiff. No 'ifs', not 'buts' and certainly no 'so-calleds' about it. If it's true, it's true.
Oh and one last thing! 'Voir dire'. Learn to pronounce it please. please. pretty please. baby kittens die every time someone gets it wrong. It is not, in my approximation of IPA (call it pig IPA), Voo-ire die-er or Voy-er die-er. It sounds something like vwa di-r(with a little bit of a roll of the tongue on the 'r'). C'est comme 'voir dire' en francais. But the term is derived from an old French phrase which means 'truth say'. Tidbit done!
In summary: Hire people who can speak English to write it; English is a beautiful language if you craft it right... and longer words do not make better English; be accurate; and pronunciation (in pig IPA, pro-NUN-si-ay-shun) is everything.
Thank you.
/flame off
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