reminders and futures

A letter to a loved one who I thought I was going to lose some time back.

I post it to remind myself that sometimes we need to learn to let go to preserve. And that even I have come to learn to love another.

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[---],

My dearest angel. I want to tell you that I miss you.

I know what it's like to move to a new place and be overwhelmed by a lack of supervision, a new environment and a whole host of new people. Everything's brand new and everything has to be tried at least once! I also know that I've encouraged you to go out and be brave and I'm really glad that you've found close friends there. On the flip side, it means less time for us left back home and that's something I thought I'd be able to deal with.

Turns out that maybe it's harder than expected for me too.

When you first arrived in [---], we filled each others' loneliness with sweet nothings and virtual contact. But an [---]-shaped hole in my days opened up when you started exploring and filling the [invisibleogore]-shaped hole in yours with all the new obligations, places, experiences and people thrust on you over there. I've never been before and never ever want to be a naggy, clingy bf. I want to be the devoted boy back home waiting with supportive words and always ready with a biiiiiig hug (or e-hug) and kisses to brighten your day. Someone who you're proud to show to your friends and say 'He's MIIIIINE!'

I've felt neglected and been asking for more attention than you've had to spare recently... and thus been doing a rather rubbish job of being supportive. I do not want to smother you and drive you any further away... so in hope of another chance to steal your heart away, I offer to you the only things in my power to give now. My understanding, an apology and a step back, without recriminations, to give you all the room you need to spread your wings.

Understand this, I've grown to love you lock, stock and smoking barrel and do not want to lose you. If I remain special to you, it would be good for us to sit down and have a real talk to adjust expectations and about everything else, no matter what the outcome.

Whatever happens, spread your wings and grow, beautiful soul. Fly. I pray that you still do miss me enough to let me keep you company on your journey and to take shelter with me from the storms life brings. Otherwise, I pray that I've learned to love you enough to let you go and become the person you're meant to be, finding satisfaction in your happiness even when your road lies far away from mine.

I haven't stopped missing you and will be waiting for you with arms wide open... but only if you want me.

All my love,
[invisibleogre]

:)

You should never lie, cheat, steal or drink.

But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must steal, steal away from bad company and if you must drink... drink in the moments that take your breath away.